The Girl with Yellow Shoes

The last few months were some of the hardest in a long time for me. It was one of those 1/10, do not recommend experiences. It wasn’t all bad, don’t get me wrong. However, yuh know when you driving down the road (in Trinidad) and in trying to avoid one pothole, you go down in another? Yeah. That was me. Pothole after pothole. The road ain’t suddenly paved now, cuz again, life is a lot like the roads in Trinidad- we’d get a lil patch up here and there, but it never gonna be smooth smooth. And then there’s WASA #iykyk.

When I was a kid, our roads were not paved. I remember the authorities dropped some material and the villagers had to patch fix the roads ourselves. On a weekend, some of the men would work together and get little by little done. My last few months felt like that. In many instances, I felt like I didn’t even have the material to offer but some of the potholes got patched anyway.

I like to check Maps before I leave home because I like to prepare myself for what I’m going to meet on the roads. I like the fact that maps would show me all the possible routes as well. I love too that they’d tell me my estimated time of arrival. Similarly, I like to prepare myself for all possible outcomes. When I’m faced with a situation, I’d go through the entire sample space of outcomes and try to figure out how I’d react to each. I want to prep myself. Well, maps duz lie. And like Maps, I was delulu for true true.  

Delusion aside, I honestly feel I’ve earned so much wisdom in the past few months, it’d be selfish of me to not give you some material to patch the potholes in your life:

– I’ve always kept things close to my chest because I grew up hearing that not all skin teeth is a smile. I’ve also had immense faith in the genuineness of the people I kept close to me. I’ve learnt that one of the most effective tests for genuineness is to tell someone good news in person. Watch not their smile but their eyes. If the smile reaches their eyes, there’s no question about it- words are just letters strung together but the eyes can’t lie.

-I love to watch commencement speeches on YouTube. One of my absolute favourites was given by Dr. Rick Rigsby. Search up his commencement speech after you read this and thank me later. His speech contained the best advice I’ve ever heard in my life, in two words: Just stand. On the hardest day(s) of the last few months- and any tough day since I’ve heard it, it is what I have done. I just stood. I’d add to that a little- if standing feels like too much, kneel.

-I always say that you can’t expect someone else to take care of you, if you don’t take care of yourself. That’s all. Eat well, get (enough) sleep, take your probiotics and magnesium glycinate, exercise your mind and your body. Take care of you.

-For almost half my life, my safe space looked the same. Until it didn’t. It wasn’t my choice and I didn’t like it. But I’ve come to realize that the genuine ones- they hold space and give grace. If you’re ever as lucky, I hope you get to experience arms whose hugs linger after letting go and ears which listen and don’t judge. But also remember, some things are meant to stay in your heart and silent prayers aren’t meant to be spoken words.

By far though, the best thing I can tell you after my last few months is this:

Even though it may not seem like it, not even by a longshot- you have absolutely everything you need to get through whatever it is that’s making you sad, overwhelmed, anxious or worried right now. And you WILL be okay.

So, patch them potholes. You got this.