The Girl with Yellow Shoes

The other day, I found my old index cards with Math notes from high school and UWI. I was going through them and I remembered the high school stuff because I still teach the same topics. The UWI notes on the other hand- gibberish, pure gibberish. I think somewhere from the time I left one exam room to another; I unlearned all the things on those index cards. Yet, I kept the notes all these years- maybe to say I once knew that?

Needless to say, I spiraled and I began to think of all the things I learnt or accepted growing up that are now pure gibberish. I’m talking about things I would have actively unlearned as I grew older- things that remain hidden in crevices of my brain just to say I once believed that to be true.

The best thing you could be is a doctor, lawyer or an engineer.

Maybe all brown people were given a multiple-choice exam in school with one single question:

What should you be when you grow up?

(a) Doctor

(b) Lawyer

(c) Engineer

(d)Nothing

And is that.

I’m a teacher. Teaching makes me happy most of the time. But there are the times that I would feel like complaining. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like what I do; it just means that I am exercising the right to express that my job makes me a little miserable sometimes. During times like this, I dare not say anything to certain members of my family because I will hear something like, “You coulda have a good job in the industry if you did engineering.”

I drown it out.

In the past, I couldn’t. But I have learnt that we have created a society that has entrenched the idea that the only worthy professions are doctors, lawyers and engineers. That’s something that I guess won’t change. My high school had an all science class in Form 4 and 5 with a class at the Form Six level dedicated to the Biology Chemistry combination- a doctor combination if you wish. In male prestige schools, a similar story is told with the Physics Chemistry aka “I want to be an engineer” combination.

The cultural entrenchment extends beyond the walls of a brown family home.

Therefore, the unlearning must start within.

The multiple-choice exam you should give yourself should have one single question which reads:

If I do *insert what you want to do*, would I be happy?

(a) Yes

(b)No

If your answer is yes, proceed bravely in that direction. I support you.

If it’s the negative, think of something else and retake exam until you can answer yes.

Note:

I know that it takes some time to figure out what will make you happy, but you shouldn’t commit to a high stress degree and career if you’re just living out the dream of a parent.

I also know that a lot of people end up in a job they don’t hate but it’s also a job they don’t absolutely love. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is committing yourself to a high stress degree and career if you’re living out the dream of a parent.

Timeline: Education. Job. Marry and settle down.

My grandmother often tells me that by the time she was my age, she was already married with two children. She would also tell the story that she was also able to pay down on a piece of land for $500.

In my time, just now, the only thing $500 would get me is an overpriced SHEIN dress with delivery from an Instagram store OR a full tank of gas. Pick one padna.

The timeline projected to us is as basic as telling someone that it takes 364.25 days for the Earth to make one complete revolution around the Sun.

That’s not ALL there is to it.

The Earth is circular but flattened at the poles. The Earth is also at an angle of 23.5 degrees on its axis. As a result, in those 364.25 days, we have equinoxes (particular days where we have a 12-hour day and a 12-hour night). We also have solstices which account for ‘long’ and ‘short’ days in the different hemispheres. Even more so, we have places on Earth which experience 24 hours of sunlight or 24 hours of night for months on end.

A revolution around the sun is not ALL there is.

Similarly, expecting someone to follow that infamous timeline of getting an education, finding a job and finding someone to marry is not ALL there is to it. Putting pressure on young people to do that doesn’t give them any motivational drive, unless it is a motivational drive to the nearest cliff to jump off.

Because, saying it or even speaking it into existence is not ALL there is to it.

Firstly, school is not free and it isn’t easy. With the absence of GATE, the reality is, a lot of people cannot afford a tertiary level education. A CSEC certificate in Trinidad could get you an entry level job. A degree in Trinidad will likely get you a job if you have a link.

In a land whose watchwords are discipline, production and tolerance, we have zero tolerance to awarding jobs to the deserving and instead, we incubate a production line of people disciplined in asking who yuh know.

Should you happen to get an education and make it to the next round and get a job, we then have to understand that the institution of marriage has now been made to coexist with a Double Palm on every corner- the facilitation of whims and fancies without the commitment of something most are not willing to commit to is made possible in 15 locations across Trinidad and Tobago.

But let me not stereotype.

Some of us do make it to the third stage without ever having the urge to go Double Palm to see what kinna TV worth the make out on Ian Alleyne. Should we make it past these stages, the real games begin: The Hunger Games- Local Trinidad Edition.

Sweet sweet T&T boasts of exclusive beaches, waterfalls and unaffordable land for sale. Sweet sweet T&T is the home of the Scarlet Ibis, the Cocrico and starter homes close to 2 million dollars. Sweet sweet T&T is the home of limbo- the bar of which is the ONLY thing that goes lower.

So, I will unlearn the timeline that is expected of me, the same way every government unlearns the philosophy that it is their duty to try to make life comfortable for its citizens.

Always listen to your elders.

No eh.

They not always right.

Respect is earned, not given freely and some of these tanties be running their mouths with the same speed they forward good morning messages on WhatsApp.

So, Aunty, Uncle and Tanty from down the road, I will allow you to speak. I will hear you out. I will mostly like shine you a smile so bright that you think you’re winning in your quest to tell me what to do. But I do hope you know that it is also likely that it went through one ear and came out the next.

Just because I hear what you say doesn’t mean that I will listen to it and do as you say.

Because someone holds a title, they will live up to it.

Crushed Panadol in water is tough to swallow. This is tougher.

The only people I think I ever really expected to not do the jobs assigned to them based on their title were the ones who work in the government offices of Trinidad and Tobago.

But thas not true.

I had to unlearn that friends were forever and learn that you can’t spell friend without end.

I had to unlearn that blood duz run in the vein and water duz run in the drain and learn that at the end of the day, all of it would flow away.

Last year I decided to try my hand at a new small business. Support came from the unlikely places- past students, people who went to high school with me but were never too close with and friends of friends. Note: the friends of friends. Noticeably lacking was the support of some of the people from whom I thought support would have been given in unconditional waves.

Unlearnt that. Immediately.

Family is not Father and Mother I Love You inno. Sometimes, the best thing about family is farfromwe.

*Late disclaimer*

This is not to throw shade, but it is the dry season; if you want to use a watering can for the flowers in your garden, be my guest.

But the truth is, in the thirty odd years of my life, there are countless stories of issues where the people in my life who assigned themselves titles or have titles assigned to them, failed miserably at carrying out the most basic duties and responsibilities required of them.

I know for this one, I don’t even need to attempt to make out a scene because if you have made it this far in my post, your own experiences of this kind have probably broken through the floodgates so you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The converse is also true eh, where people have stepped up to the plate and hit home runs- I will never deny that but that’s for another post.

For now, though, just like I put back my index cards on the shelf, I will return these lessons to the crevices of my brain, because the truth is, once you learn something, you never fully unlearn it.

Forget it, maybe.

Unlearn it, unlikely.