The Girl with Yellow Shoes

I cannot tell you what to do or how to live your life but I’d tell you what I know.

That’s how I give advice to my students (and everyone else) about everything and anything. It’s safe nah- I remove all blame from myself cuz nobody could say, “Miss say so.” Nah. I mean, I could feel like my advice rel bess but everyone drinks their tea differently so it’s best to let people carry on as they were- with some sugar just in case they need it.

For no charge to you, here’s some sugar and since it’s you, I’d give you some spice for free.

• The long time saying is that friends would carry you but they won’t bring you back.

To be fair, that’s probably true- because some people just ain’t cut out to be a friend. To be honest though, there’s family out here who would leave you out in the rain and act as though your umbrella is theirs- so stay woke.

• Out here hard- adulting is hard.

Most times, you would probably feel like you’re all alone and “No thanks” or “I’m good” is the easiest response. If you choose to be honest, you just might realise that you’re not all alone and most people around you feel the same way- but that’s another blog for another day and this is a reminder to myself to write it.

• Give yourself grace.

Y’all, we just too hard on ourselves sometimes. Correction. We just too hard on ourselves most times. And this is not a millennial thing. I see it everyday with people like my grandparents and parents, even my students. And it baffles me. We are not meant to perform at optimum level each day. Some days, the only thing we can manage is to just do enough to get by- and I think that’s okay (emphasis on some days). On days like those, give yourself some damn grace.

• Take time for yourself.

They always say that your job will replace you in a heartbeat so take time for yourself. I agree. But you shouldn’t take time for yourself based on that understanding. Take care of yourself because you want to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. Be selfish. Take care OF you, FOR you.

• You don’t owe anyone anything (unless you borrow money and have to pay back)

I could never wrap my head around people saying this one owe them this because they do something for them. Hear nah- if you do something for me and then have to say I owe you because of it- whatever it is, I ain’t need it that badly inno. No thanks. You don’t owe your boss or job anything. You are however, responsible to carry out your duties as it is stated in your job description. You do not owe your family, friends or significant other anything. However, based on your social constructs, you are accountable to perform key roles and responsibilities- everything extra- that’s love hoss. And that’s on you- which leads me to number 6.

• Don’t expect YOU from others.

I’m extra. If you know me, you know I’m generally over the top in almost everything I do. Extra sassy, extra attitude, extra care, extra effort. But I cannot expect that from others. I do however, expect the best of them because I’m giving them the best of me. And I feel that’s reasonable. But it’s unfair to anybody in your life if you expect from them the same that you give.

• Set your boundaries.

Is you a walkover? No. I did not think so. Because people don’t use walkovers in Trinidad. But theyprobably usng you. So you’re really not one. My bad. Unless you learn to set your boundaries though, you gonna get pelt for six. Really massive ones that would cause Daren Ganga to pull out all the three-plus syllable words from his thesaurus. And we know we can’t handle that.

• In the words of the ever-wise Patrice Roberts, “Drink water and mind my business.”

If it isn’t about you, it does not concern you. Read that again, class. You cannot be out here giving leading actor notes when you’re just an extra on the set. Know yuh place. Humans are weird creatures inno- when things nice, silence. When things bad, one set of ole noise. You voice your concerns, add your ten cents of opinions and that ten cents would get VAT added to it and you gonna look bad. Bess you keep yuh money, buy yuh water and mind yuh business.

• Doh take the red in the national flag so literally.

I know we national flag is predominantly red but some ah we out here taking the love of country too literally inno. But remember the flag has white in it too- so surrender yuhself to a life of peace nah. Pay attention to the versions of themselves people show you when they’re angry, when you’re sad and when you achieve something or your life lighting up like Divali. More often than not, that’s their truest version.

• You is not a cashier in a government place (unless you are) so doh feel you is Beyonce.

Humble yuhself.

After all that, yuh know they say you could lead a dog to water but can’t force him to drink it. So do as you wish with my sugar. Until next time, stay safe neighba.