The Girl with Yellow Shoes

Dedication

I was fresh out of UWI with no job experience and definitely no formal teaching experience. But that didn’t stop my former principal from taking a chance on me and giving me and opportunity when all doors around me remained tightly locked.

There’s a man who considered me a granddaughter by way of the brotherhood he shared with my granpa. For some time, he was unable to see clearly but it never stopped him from greeting my sister and I with, “Who are these two beautiful young ladies?”

Although both of them are not here anymore, this blog is dedicated to them for their impact resonates.

Here’s to giving chances and to seeing with your heart rather than your eyes.

The Girl with the Yellow Shoes

I ain’t perfect. Put me in front of a mirror and I will point out all my flaws. Give me a book and I could write out all the times I said the wrong thing, wishing the ground below would turn to quick sand and swallow me up. Roll the highlights of my life and I can pinpoint everything I would edit out. I never focused on these so that it would consume me but it was always there, ready to pop out on will.

But then, I became a teacher. And I realized that here were people who didn’t see me the way I would sometimes see myself. Quite possibly, I could stand in front of a class and self-deprecate and they would watch me as though I’m not too right in my head. Somewhere during the passage of eight and half years, the axis of rotation upon which my perspective spun, shifted- ever so slightly- but enough to create a ripple of change.

And maybe the biggest of these small changes was my ability to see myself as an advice giver versus an advice seeker. And that will always be a work in progress. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking, “I wonder if I’m giving the right advice? Like what if they follow my advice and they end up regretting it?” Yuh know how you would give your friends and family advice and then add on at the end, “Well inno, at the end of the day, iz up to you eh, I just giving you my two piece.” That statement would stand up in court for you if they listen to you and regret it. That doh work on the students who come to you- because they hold on to EVERYTHING you say and soak every syllable like a sponge.

And that’s why, over the years, I’ve come to find a method of encouragement versus giving advice that hasn’t failed me yet. I’ve extended it beyond students too- still didn’t fail me yet.

With that in mind, I present to you:

Encouragement 101 with Miss H

As with any classroom, we have some rules before we begin. In this case, there’s three:

Now that the rules are outta the way, we’d check out the method. Remember, I’m a Math teacher so we gonna do this in steps.

Step 1: Listen before you speak

When I now started teaching, my class was in a rough spot. Their teacher left mid-semester the previous year and they were split up and joined with other classes. More than half the class failed their exam that semester. More than that, they had to apply to UWI and most of them would have felt if they didn’t get accepted to their programme of choice, there would be no other opportunity to do so. Unsurprisingly, self-confidence was low.

There was this one student in particular who will always stand out. She applied to pursue Medicine but you had the option of changing your choices before a specified deadline. On the day of the deadline, she literally ran after me as I was heading home and told me that she wanted to switch from Medicine to Veterinary. Obviously, I was a little confused. Instead of ranting about it being so last minute and all along she wanted to do med, I asked her what would have prompted her to change her mind.

I listened.

When she was finished, I knew there was nothing I could have said or done to make her believe in her ability to get accepted to Medicine.

And then I spoke.

I told her that I think she will make a great vet. And that she is- she took care of my fur babies until the very end with a love and care equivalent to what I would have given, had I been competent to do so.

So, listen before you speak. More often than not, the person asking your advice isn’t actually asking your advice. They’re simply seeking some encouragement for what they already know they wish to do. They just need to know that someone believes in their ability because at that point, they’re scared to put all the belief in themselves.

Step 2: Check-in

When my sister decided to go back to school, I knew that I had to step up to the crease. I felt like an opening batsman in a cricket match chasing a big score- I needed to bat out. I knew my sister. And I knew how much she deserved to reach the finish line. I had to bat out.

I remember her crying a Sunday morning in the kitchen because the topic she was studying was too difficult and she felt she wasn’t getting through. I had to hit the fours and sixes so that she could rest at her end. I took her to the movies, fed her and allowed her to have a break. We laughed at the children’s behaviour in the cinema knowing full well we could never pull them kinna antics in our time. I had to make sure I bat out.

When she was studying late at nights, I would wake with her. She would study and I would catch up on shows. She needed the company- she needed to know she was never alone in this. At this point, we had to take the singles- rotate the strike and let the score build up. Team effort. I had to make sure I bat out.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Dreams turning into reality takes time, hard work and a version of yourself you didn’t know existed sometimes. It’s important to check-in often. Give pep talks the way people give dad jokes- at every possible opportunity. Remind them that you believe in them. Remind them that they are deserving of the end result so they owe it to themselves to finish. Bat out with them.

Step 3: Congratulate and listen

There’s always that one student who would stand out. One student would turn into two and so it goes. You’d know their story- the struggles, the highs and the lows. You’d know just how much a win means for them.

I had this student who used to annoy me for some reason when I first met him. Then he bribed me with brownies. Then I would pick him up on my way to school so he would be on time for my eight o’clock classes. Then he got through with Engineering. And then things just kept happening. But he didn’t give up and this year- I saw a message- eight years in the making: Department of Civil Engineering. Status: Graduated. I just said, “Congratulations! Your pops would have been proud.”

And I waited to listen.

There’s another student who would have consulted with me before every academic decision from the time I met her six years ago. This year, she told me that she got accepted into an internship programme. I told her, “Congratulations! When you get your first paycheck, buy a meal for your family.”

And I waited to listen.

More often than not, it takes a while for reality and the gravity of an accomplishment to kick in. But it always does- so you wait for it. You listen. You allow them their day in the sun. Whatever they have to say is worth the listen. Trust me. And yeah, you’re allowed to feel the pride of their accomplishment. Yep, you’re allowed to acknowledge to yourself your part in their journey. But this is about them. Let them shine!

And that brings us to the end of today’s lesson on encouragement. Just to recap, remember the three rules to always keep in the back of your mind. Say it a few times so that it sticks. Then, there’s the three steps of encouragement: Listen before you speak, check-in and finally, congratulate and listen.

That’s all for today. Enjoy the rest of your day and be safe.